An Ah Ha Moment

Do you ever feel like you know what you need to do but you want there to be something else too. For instance, I feel that i know what God is asking of me but i want there to be more! Faith and Patience just doesn't seem like enough! I continue to be obedient to the little things asked of me and now I'm down to just letting God do the rest and here is where the problem is. this may not make since to you but i just worked that out as i was writing. it all goes back to some things that i feel God has been challenging me with and that is that its not about works. He wants more of my faith in Him because deep down i want control. See, when i have things that i can do then its on me and only i can be to blame but God wants me to release that desire to be in control and have faith in him and then just to be content and patient with it all in His hands. WHY IS THAT SOOO HARD!? its not that I'm not doing it but I'm not content with it I, ME, MYSELF, want more to do like my humanness can do more than God. REALLY SHANE?? What was going on in my brain? Here i was saying the right thing, i knew what i needed to do and how it all worked but something was not clicking. its been over the past few days as i have been digging into the word, listening to podcast, and Reading some A.W. Tozer that i have been confronted by God with this matter. i kept reading things about works based faith and so on and i didn't understand why this was so heavy on my heart. i Begin to get it as i cried out to God to test my faith and when he put on my heart what it was i needed to trust him with (not the first time he told me to do this, guess i thought he would forget) and as i Begin to take this desire to give him more faith more seriously and followed through with it i almost felt better like i had done something. How prideful and arrogant am i? Now, as i Begin to write my frustrations or what ever it was i was going to rite about, I GET IT. Humility, is quite humbling. So, here i am still in the same spot as before but coming to a realization that there is nothing I can do, nothing i can prove to God with my actions, but that its through my patients and my faithfulness that i will be obeying. I have tried to pour my heart out in honesty and in humility for the wrong reasons. In my desperate attempt to show my faith to God through my honesty it is not his desire for that to be my test of Faith but to be my simple obedience to his command. my faith comes now allowing him to be in control of the outcome.