Its Coming

Its coming! even though i knew it would, its kinda serial. i have officially closed out this work week at the church and am down to one! i knew that it would happen but i don't ever think you see it coming. Wow, what a summer. its been awesome being here and learning under Aaron and the staff here at River City Community Church. i have made tons of friends and it WILL be hard to leave. its always tough to leave people you spend time with and do life with and this summer has been no different. i have shared my life with some awesome youth and leaders and they have touched my life in so many ways i don't know if words can really explain. this epic adventure has taught me lots about myself and just about life in general. i do have to admit that i am excited to see my awesome friends and to see God blow my mind away this next year. BUT its not over. i only have one full week left here and then i will be heading to San Diego to visit tony and friends there, where i will be hitting the road with tony once again and returning to good ole Indiana. i cant even wrap my mind around the idea of leaving right now so I'm not going to try. so i guess all i can do is pray about it all and ask you all to also be praying for me and the people here in San Antonio this last week and of course the weeks to come. God Bless!

A Little Something I Found

"Love doesn't die, People do. So, when all that's left of me is love... Give me away" - Merrit Malloy

The Fight is Real and Ill Fight The Fight

I started this a few weeks ago just got around to posting it.

i believe its the great things in life you have to fight for. from the simple things like getting out of bed to the fight against the flesh that trys to take over instead, but no matter what it is...

The fight is real and ill fight the fight!

this fight is a part of my innermost parts. im wired with passion its what ignights, and starts.

The fight is real and ill fight the fight!

beat down crushed all battered and brused ill fight to the end even if i lose.

The fight is real and ill fight the fight

i have lost the fight but i hate to lose. if you know me at all this isnt new news.

The fight is real and ill fight the fight

i wont let up, i wont stay down, i can still feel the beat of my heart pound, pound.

The fight is real and ill fight the fight!

i take one on the chin and ill do it again iv cracked a rib and brused my shin.

The fight is real and ill fight the fight!

some might call me stupid when i wont stay down, but my heart is beating and i cant stop that sound.

The fight is real and ill fight the fight

as i look at where im at and on down this road i see the fight in my face and its lurking round every corner even in the garden that i sowed.

The fight is real and ill fight the fight

this fights worth fighting even if you dont come out on top, because its for the great things in life, just fight, dont stop.

Poem from a friend: it seems like i fall time and time again

One of my friends wrote this poem i think its awesome and i asked to share it with you all.

it seems like i fall time and time again

it seems like i fall time and time agian
then i realize were all just men
i find myself fighing the same fight i have always fought and when i look up i realize your all ive got
as men fail and as men win those battles the fight time and time again
those same struggles they always see
lord of lord please hear my plea

im tired of being cut down
im tired of being laughed at all around
im tired of feeling this pain
God of God please take it away
Lord help me with my struggles this i plea
Lord MY God take them away from me

Post Camp '09

its simple really. God is Good! there may be sceptics out there feeling that camp is just another high, just another program that kids can experience an emotion rather than a heart transplant. to be honest i have been sceptical of the camp experience before. as i thought about this week i thought about how ridiculous it would be to underestimate the power of this week and the things that happened. YES, God did speak to every kid there! Yes, there were kids that let go of the world experiencing freedom in Christ Jesus for the first time. Yes, they/we experienced a siritual high. but why wouldn't we? when you submerse yourself into a place of worship to God and you allow Him to speak you better believe you are going to be wrecked! you cant leave a camp like i was just out and not be moved in some way by God! Glory to God for that Truth!



What a week! i could not be more proud of the 94 people that came with our church. lives were changed. we had 9 first time commitments to a life for Christ! so welcome your new brothers and sisters of Christ! it doesn't stop there. i don't think that those 9 even begin to scratch the suffice of what God did this week! oh the passion that i have found. oh, the passion i have found for God. its simple we met God this week and now we get to live it now we get to meet Him every single day. this high that has spread across the camp doesn't ever have to stop there our God desires to meet us every moment of our life with a high like this week. God is awesome and continues to show His power and love over and over! keep praying!

Precamp '09

Can i just say that God is SO GOOD! cuz i just did! I'm sitting in my room looking at the week ahead still on a high from my bible study that started tonight and i cant stop thinking about how amazing God is. its not like i have a reason to be shocked. he is always here and always willing to show his power but i cant help but be amazed. its awesome to see how God can use broken people to glorify himself. i have been asking and desiring more passion and i think its here. since you are reading this i will ask you to pray for my guys in my bible study and for me as i not only lead but as i fight the good fight right along side of them. there is so much power in prayer. it doesn't care how far away you might be or where you are in life. so thinks for being the body of Christ.

Now, as it gets late and i look at this upcoming week at camp i feel the fire building inside my soul. i will be gone for a week with almost 100 kids from our church and many more from other churches in the area. its exciting! i know that this week is going to impact many students and whets more exciting about this is the passion that Arron (youth pastor) has to keep the impact going when we get back. we all probably know how camp goes a lot of times, with kids leaving camp on a spiritual high and reaching real life and losing it all. but that's not what we are about. and again you can be part of this movement of God by praying. while i am at camp i will be leading one of the small groups in the morning along with a few others from our church and the other churches and i know that this is something that not only myself but others are a bit nervous about. we have a lot of weight on our shoulders and want to do all that we can for these kids. thankfully we don't have to do it alone because God is with us. well that's all i have to tell you now but i will be sure to let you all know how things went when i get back.

Poems

I sat in Barnes and Nobel again today and read some poetry. i enjoyed it. as i read i wrote down some of them that stuck out to me or that i liked. thought id share them. let me know your thoughts. enjoy!

Soil by: Serj Tankian, cool gardens
A flowers mother
A soldiers father
The farmers wife
The start and end of life,
The Sword cant cut it,
Man cant kill it,
millions pounding on your face,
you take the pain
and present no fight,
you give them flowers,f
ruits and drugs,
they give you trash, oil, and shit
we would rather pray to something
we cant see or touch,
than you, our God.

Pen by: Serj Tankian, cool gardens
A pen is but a pen,
when the time comefor its retirement.
a career is but a job,
modern indentured servitude,
if not for the challenge and dreams.
and a day is just a
collection of hours,
if not for that one
sparkling, coaxing,
loving smile on your face

Indentured Servitude by: Serj Tankian, cool gardens
expand, increase, grow, merge,
Partner up, sell more, make more,
Spend more, have more,
Hoard more, live more?
Live less, for you can only
Eat, sleep, drink, and shit so many times a day.
And the sun will shine at your face, either way,
Unless you're locked up in an office,
Serving some client, boss, or God,
In your own willing indentured servitude.

My Words by: Serj Tankian, cool gardens
My words escape me,
As I escape them,
To define me,
As not refined, mimed release expressions,
Of continuous thoghts
Pouring out like red wine
From a dark green bottle
On a creme colored carpet,
Or white sand.

My words escape me,
As i escape them,
For love is beauty, and beauty is love,
As diabolical dreams of intestines on a platter,
As kidneys, lungs, and livers,
Rushing the blood, my blood, winded, noisey.

My words escape me,
As i escape the world.

Now by:Serj Tankian, cool gardens
Time is always now,
Here, forever,
Time is always now
Gone, never,
God is now
The ruler of the present
His son, a lesson,
Born of a peasent.
We stay here always,
As bodies go
As far as they can see
For now is again now,
Here, forever!

The Dirty Hand by: Mark Strand, selected poems
My hand is dirty.
I must cut it off.
To wash it is pointless.
The water is putrid.
The soap is bad.
It won't lather.T
he hand is dirty.
It's been dirty for years.

I used to keep it
out of sight,
in my pocket.
No one suspected a thing.
People came up to me,
wanting to shake hands.
I would refuse
and the hidden hand,
like a dark slug,
would leave its imprinton my thigh.
And then I relized
it was the same if i used it or not.
Disgust was the same.

How many nights
in the depths of the house
I washed that hand,
scrubbed it, pollished it,
dreamed it would turn
to diamond or crystal
or even, at last, into a plain white hand,
the clean hand of a man,
that you could shake,
or kiss, or hold
in one of those moments
when two people confess without saying a word...
Only to have the incurable hand,
lethargic and crablike,
open its dirty fingers.

And the dirt was vile.
It was not mud or soot
or the caked filth
of an old scab
or the sweat of a laborer's shirt.
It was a sad dirt
made of sickness
and human anguish.
It was not black;
black is pure.
it was dull,
a dull grayish dirt.

It is impossable
to live with this
gross hand that lies
on the table.
Quick! Cut it off!
Chop it to pieces
and throw it
into the ocean.
With time, with hope
and its intricate workings
another hand will come,
pure, transparent as glass,
and fasten itsself to my arm.

Tomorrow by: Mark Strand, Selected Poems
Your best friend is gone,
your other friend, too.
Now the dream that used to turn in your sleep,
sails into the year's coldest night.
What did you say?
Or was it something you did?
It makes no difference-the house of breath collapsing
around your voice, your voice burning, are nothing to worry
about
Tommorow your friends will come back;
your moist open mouth will bloom in the glass of storefronts.
Yes. Yes. Tommorow they will come back and you
will invent an ending that comes out right.

And The Truth Will Set You Free

As i was looking around on facebook the other day i came across a note that was written by a friend that some of you may know, Dan Hill. As i began to read the note entitled "The Truth Is..." I was taken back by the Honesty that the first sentence reviled and in so many ways my heart was screaming "that's you too." to make a long story short this post by Dan was great and very thought provoking and inspiring. check it out!!!



The truth is I am a defiled, addicted, heartless, fool who doesn't deserve anyone's sympathy or love. I am broken. I am weak. I can't conquer my sins. I am lost and confused. I can't love, and i refuse to see my savior.



For the first time in my life i see and accept my waywardness. All of us who know Christ know that we have sinned, but very few of us have grasp the depth to which we have fallen and what it should mean for our lives. We hide the pain and weaknesses, putting on a mask because we are told that if we are Christians then our lives should be together, joyful, and sin-free. We think that by trying to act like everything is okay we are moving toward perfection and to renewing our minds. It is in fact the complete opposite.



Mark 2: 17 says, "On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."" No one on this earth is healthy or righteous so who then are these people that Jesus is referring to and who are those who are sick?



I thought i was okay. I thought that i had my life together, and on the outside it looked like it. I could talk about how God had saved me from sin and how good he was, but all the while i was simply content with following the rules that were easy for me and "condemning" those who struggled with those simple rules; i ignored the things i struggled with because they were easy to hide from the world. I was the "righteous" the Jesus was speaking of.



Since no one is righteous Jesus was talking about people who try to display themselves as "together." We are not able to be truly be freed or forgiven until we consider ourselves sick and needy. It is then that we are given grace and are then able to give grace to others.



1 Corinthians 1: 27-30 says, "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29so that no one may boast before him. 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption."



When we see ourselves as the lowly, the fools, and the despised it is then that we allow God's grace to truly cover our darkest sin and our greatest weaknesses. We live in transparency and freedom and are given God's peace that despite the truth of our decrepit existence He is love. He gives us the grace to begin boasting in our weaknesses and He uses our sin and our weakness as a testimony of His power and grace. We are set free from the bonds and shame of our life and we begin a new one in His peace.



The Truth is our God is a loving, forgiving,grace giving, peace imparting, miracle working father who deserves all of our love and worship. He is good. He can overcome your sin. He has good plans and knows your steps. He is love and He makes himself known to us. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2Mbzk2GfqA

Hold True

I am not sure what was on my mind when i wrote this but i know that was in philosophy class this last year when i jotted this little deal down. thought i would share it with you.

Should we all allow this idea to be put in place? In theory it is an idea that sparks interest in human minds. Then as we see clearer it is only a manipulation of the true facts. This is something not to be taken lightly but rather one to be tested and tried. Push this idea to the end and if it doesn't work then throw it out. Do not settle for something that does not accomplish what it set out to be done at first. Be bold and not weak, stay strong and do not grow weary.
Hold True!

Just a little something to ponder. maybe it will apply to some area of your life or maybe it wont make since at all, regardless it is what it is.

I Told You My Brain Was Dangerous

Do you ever have a desire to write? its not an uncommon thing for me, but most the time the common thing is not really having a clue what to write. sort of like this moment right now. soooo i decided to write about not knowing what to write about. sounds exciting right? yeah i didn't think so ether. today has been a day of reflection and relaxation mostly spent at barns and nobel reading and listening to music. these types of days always fill my brain with amazing quotes and thoughts but so many times i cant channel them. for instance i read a variety of different things like, psalms 52 and 3, which that alone left my mind a boggled mess. then there was poems from three different books i grabbed, The Collected poems of William Carlos Williams volume I 1909-1939, Celebrations rituals of peace and prayers Maya Angelou, and Mark Strand new selected poems. these were awesome and again put my mind in a state much like a helium balloon that has been released into the air. after a break for belly fuel (food) i put the brain back to work with some A.W. Tozer's the root of the righteous, a book that from the start rocked my world and has not let up. then as i looked around in good ol barns and nobel i saw a book that caught my attention. it was called why do men have nipples? yes, i did pick it up and i did read most of the material. the book was wrote to answer some of questions that people would never ask a doctor unless under the influence. a lot of the questions i knew the answer to do to my good ol anatomy days, and then others were legit questions that i know have knowledge about. As you can see my brain got a work out today. most of you that know me or that have met me know the crazy, wild, energetic side of me but don't always see this intellectual side of me. then again some of you know the deep serious side of me oh to well and have heard me rant and rave on my soap box's many times. i guess the moral of this story is that you all should take a look at any of these books i have read today. they were all so good and great brain stimulator's. i would have to say that this little writing session has turned out better than expected and has quenched my appetite to write...for now.

A Thought to Ponder

Some of you might know that i am not a big fan of C.S. Lewis, not for a good reason or because i have really read much of his stuff, but because at Bethel i cant go a day without hearing his name. just drives me up a wall sometimes. None the less i was online looking at different quotes from different people and i came across this one by the one and only C.S. Lewis and i thought it was very good and very true so i am lowering my pride and going to share it.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

-C.S. Lewis-

Im A Dreamer!

I'm going to write this and for those out there who might worry about me (mom, grandma, dad...) don't. This is me talking off my chest. Its just something that has crossed my mind. DREAMS. I have always been a dreamer. For as long as I can remember I have been dreaming about life adn everything in it. Through the years is has evolved and changed and new things have come up. sometimes, my dreams break me. Sometimes I wonder why I even dream. I don't think many of my dreams have really ever came true. In fact often times they leave me disappointed. I dream about the little things and I dream about the big things. I have high expectations with most things in life. Lets face it I dream big. Even though I know that things are not always going to turn out like I dream or hope for I usually don't loosen up, I hold on tight saying it can happen. Time and time again those expectations fall short and I'm left standing there with a dream in my lap and reality hitting me in the face. I walk back home and I start the dream all over again. Sometimes I get tired of dreaming and I wish I could just be a realist. I guess right now I kinda feel that way. The funny thing is that even now in this thought of not wanting to dream or be optimistic I catch myself saying well it could happen and the dreams swell and take over. This is going to be one of my only realistic moments and the reality is I'm A Dreamer! So if you were sitting there reading this worried, like I know some of you were even though I told you not to be, I have not changed. I'm still a dreamer!

“If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.”
-Flavia Weedn-

“Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.”
-Leon Joseph-

“There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why... I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?"
-Robert Frances Kennedy-

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”
-C.S. Lewis-

“Life is never easy for those who dream.”
-Robert James Waller-

Blood Is All That Separates Us

Do you have people in your life that no matter whats going on no matter if you are wrong or right they will listen? They will let you vent for hours and when the time is right they will bring you back to reality bring you back to the place that is most important. I DO! I have friends that understand me, that know who I am, and exactly what I need. They know just what to say, and love me unconditionally. These are friends that cannot be replaced. These are friends that I thanks God for. These are friends that are more than just friends....They are family. They are my brothers, and they are my sisters that I love and cherish. We are not of the same blood but we are family. I love having you all in my life and I just want to say...THANK YOU! For what ever reason right now I cant stop thinking about those friends that are more then friends. Even in the midst of our lives and the crazy places we are all headed I know that nothing but blood will ever separate us!