Eyes Wide Open

The city of Port-au-Prince has not been the same since. The devastating earthquake in January has ravished the city reeking havoc all through the streets which can still be seen today. It was not only the streets and buildings that shook, fell, and piled up. As we know hundreds of thousands of brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, friends, and foes shook, fell, and piled up. Almost every one you talk to or even pass in the street has lost someone on that January evening and, or in the days to follow. Today I head stories of two mothers who have passed on leaving behind memories and sorrow. and as I walked down the streets, past the Palace, and through the largest tent city in Port-au-Prince and tried to take it all in I realized that I can’t even come close to comprehending the magnitude of all that has happened here. If the fact that Hundreds of thousands of people have died is not enough and the rubble filled streets and homes is not enough and the thousands of people in tents is not enough then you are faced with the many many people that you pass by that are missing limbs forced to face the affects of 30 seconds of shaking every single day. Hundreds of thousands of people died and hundreds of thousands of people are scarred. It’s a harsh reality that slapped me in the face today.

Taking It All In

Now that my original plans have completely fallen through I am basically making it up as I go. There are a couple ways you can look at this. You can be miserable and think of it as a bad thing or you can view it as an opportunity for new things. As most of you who know me could probably guess, or at least I hope you guessed, I am looking at it as an opportunity for new things. I write to you from Port-au-Prince Haiti in a beautiful home of an affluent Haitian family. Let me tell you a little bit about the last few days. Most of my days have started at 5:00 am with breakfast and work starting at 5:30. The work consists of making water filters. The water filters are made out of cement they are formed and filled with 3 layers gravel, big sand, and then fine sand. There is about 3 inches of water that sits above that at all times which creates the bacteria to kill the viruses and microbes. It is a really great thing for this country. Water is not really hard to find but clean water is not common so this puts clean water in people’s homes. The filters cost 50 us dollars to make this origination sells them for 40 Haitian dollars which is about 5 us dollars. This organization employs only Haitians to make the filters this gives them a job which is scarce in Haiti. Thursday and Friday I was able to go on deliveries. This means I went around to different communities and into peoples homes delivering filters and helping installing them. It’s a humbling experience to enter into a Haitian’s home. Most are very small with cement or dirt floors, one bed, a dinner table, and maybe a few nick nacks. Mostly they have the bare essentials. The children are always curious and sometimes scared of the white guy or blonk that is walking around or in their home. People are awesome here and if given the chance will teach you all they can.

Food, what can I say about the food? Well, first I really like the food it is very good. I have eaten quite a bit of real authentic Haitian food since I have been here. Rice comes with just about every meal and beans are usually quick to follow. Sometimes meat is put with the rice and beans and one of the foods I just tried the other day was with rice and beans and on top they put cooked spinach. Its not like any spinach that I have tried in the states its much different and if you can get past the look and the place that it was cooked it tastes good. One of my favorite foods is fried pork pieces. They are crispy, a little spice and a good flavor. Definitely a favorite.

So, now I have left Clean Water For Haiti and I am in Port-au-Prince for the week. I came here with a lady I met at Clean Water for Haiti who is from Kentucky. She spent a year here back in 2004 teaching at a school and will be here for another 5 weeks. She presented me with the opportunity to join her to experience the culture in Port-au-Prince and if all goes well another city in the north. While I am in Port-au-Prince I will be visiting the school that she taught at as well as experiencing different unique parts of the city. This is an awesome opportunity that I am excited to be able to take part in. Thank you for your support and I will continue to keep you updated on my life.

Peace and Love!

Video Blog- June 22

So I made a little video Blog/Update.  check it out here!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2rTOcD1t6I

Just the Start- Expect Anything

Haiti welcomed me with a warm kiss. I was met by one of my Haitian friend’s brother and friends. I made the familiar drive to Pierre Payen where I then met my friend Paul. I have learned that I must be ready for the unexpected and since I have gotten to Haiti that has been what I have gotten. My contact and person I was to be staying with has left here because of illness leaving me here with three others, charley, Donnie, and his sister with many others who come and go. Donny is the only one who speaks English and I am grateful that he does. As if that was not enough unexpected I am now left with people that were dependent on the man that is in charge of the place, who had to leave, to live as well. This means the food that I buy is feeding not only me but also several others. Money is tight and I am not sure how I will make it the next month and a half with what I have, and its only been a few days. But I trust and pray to the Lord for his guidance and help. I have clean drinking water which is good and I have plenty of food after our trip to Saint Mark today the 18th. My food had been prepared by my Haitian friends which is also good and very authentic. So far my stomach is doing well but I do fear getting sick something I am expecting to happen before I leave but again I have been praying for protection and I trust God. The heat here is not so bad but the humidity is ruthless. I am constantly sweating and yesterday after playing soccer for a long time and sweating buckets I felt very weak. And again today after returning from Saint Mark I was feeling weak but I have made myself drink a lot today and the electrolyte packets I believe have helped. After pumping myself full of fluids I felt much better I am still learning the ropes as you can see and my body is hating me for it already but I am learning and beginning to understand. I have the ocean out my back yard which means I get to cool off regularly which is very nice. The view is like one off of a post card. Because my contact is not here I do not have much I am doing right now. I talked with a doctor in the town just south of here who is American and is doing some amazing things a bit the other day and I believe I will help him every once in a while. Tonight after dinner I also went to visit Annie’s Orphanage I wanted to see the kids and I as great to see them. They are so well mannered and starving for attention and since I am alone this time I am left trying to feed them all with it. I’m not complaining I love each and every one of the kids they are so beautiful and are full of joy. Times are tough right now for me I feel stress and frustration along with homesickness. The stress is about money, frustration because my contact is gone and I don’t know what to do, and homesickness I don’t know where it came from. I don’t get homesick but I am scared because of the money and the weight of taking care of my new friends and myself and my health. I am looking to God that’s all I can do. One thing is for sure my unstable relationship with God is growing. I see the faith and hope from my Haitian friends and the lack of such in my own life. This mixed with the weight around me forces me to seek our almighty God. I must go now I need to get some sleep because the mornings are early may God bless you all. Please keep me in your prayers and if you can support me financially let me know through email or facebook Shanemcneeley@gmail.com and send it to 2132 strawtown pike Peru Indiana 46970. Peace, Love, and all Glory to God!!!

Today is a new Day! and there are places to help on the horizon!

I AM SCARED

This is what happends when you let your mind onto paper. Its fresh, real, raw, and straight off the cusp but it was my fellings at this moment. oh, by the way, this was me freaking out but im better now.

I

       long for something more something beyond what is in front of me and deeper than what I have ever learned or been shown. I am burdened with sorrow but I don't know why. Or, maybe I do. Its hard to tell when you are all alone and left with seemingly nothing. I hate how I feel, and my image of myself is less than satisfactory. I feel alone in this world, and I have for some time now. I have masked it with the laughter of people around me and by my rash whims of love and desire. But, its now that I am left alone with myself and left alone with my thoughts that I see that I am lost. Im lost in my own self, lost in this world that engulfs my every being. It clear...im lost. Its a scary thing to be all alone, and lost. Not knowing whats around the corner or on the other side of the bend. Not knowing who you are or what you are living for seems to be even worse. Its all lost. I long for something more. I long for purpose, I long for life, I long for happiness, I long for love, and I long to never be alone.

I am so broken and confused seemingly going through the motions of day to day life and now that I am finally free, to that place that I knew would one day come, that time when I had the world at my finger tips and I would set myself free, well that time is now. It has come. It is right in front of me. I have opened the screen door to the house that has for so long kept me bound and I look out to the field, with the wind making waves in the tall grass and I don't know what to do. I have lost all sense of direction and I stand there anxious but fearful.

I stand there looking toward a direction that is no different from the others. It could be west or north but I wouldn't know the difference if it was east or south, but it matters. The direction matters because each direction unleashes something different. So I guess it makes sense to just go for it, and take what ever comes my way. Right? Because until I know where I am, how will I ever know where im going?

The clock tics on and life moves around me not stopping to wait for me. there is no waiting. My heart, mind and soul long for something more something significant something special but all I have to go on is chance. It sounds silly, because what do I have to lose?  It all sounds like nonsense but I feel it. I feel it all.  Bottom line, im not afraid to say.....

AM SCARED!

Life In and After Haiti

I didn’t really know what to expect. All I knew to believe is was what I had heard and saw from different the media sources that piled up around me. I knew that this was a time of need and that God had a plan, a plan that would soon involve me. We made our way through the many discouraging obstacles that laid in our path and finally stepped foot into a world totally different from our own. We made our way through the pole barn that they called customs and baggage claims to reach the large crowd that stood desperately wanting to help any of us “rich people” with our bags simply to make a buck or two. It was at this moment that we knew without a shadow of a doubt that we were in Haiti.

The trip was full of unknowns and speculations about what would seen and experienced. With many ideas cycling through our minds it was clear that until we saw, experienced, and came face to face with the effects of the earthquake and life as it is now and before the devastation in Haiti, we would never be able to grasp the magnitude of the situation in this country. We were only there for a week but this week was meant to challenge every part of who we were. We called home a hot and humid building and laid our head to rest at night on foam mattress within a compound in the town of Pierre Payen. At first there were not huge life changing tasks on the path in front of us and we learned to find peace in the small and mundane tasks that we were directed to complete. Tasks such as fixing a ceiling in our room and painting the walls of a couple offices. Through the mundane we still were able to find peace in knowing that we were loosening the load of others and furthering the kingdom of God even if it was in the most minuet way. But our work did not stop at painting and repairing nor were we about to stop there. After the normal 8:30am to 5:00pm days at the compound we entered into relationship with the Haitian people and what a joy that was. We visited orphanages and played with the kids, we played soccer and goofed around with the kids on the street and around our compound, and eventually handed out rice and assisted in well repairs throughout tent cities and different parts of Port-au-prince. Even though our languages did not mix and we learned a limited vocabulary such as, “Hello, how are you” “what’s your name” and a few simple words like “thank you” and “you’re welcome” in their native language Creole, we were able to communicate and find pleasure in the things that are universal. It was beautiful to see and experience the simple things in life that we so often take for granted like a smile, a hug, and a laugh that break down the walls that cage us in. Although it was very frustrating not being able to communicate to our new friends, we knew simply by the look in their eyes how they felt and I think that they could see it in our eyes as well.

Life in Haiti is different than ours in the United States of America. With Haiti being the poorest country in the western hemisphere you can imagine that we in America have absolutely no clue what life there is like for the Haitian people, not even myself after being there can truly fathom the life of a Haitian. Even with minimal resources and with all the odds staked against the people they persevere, exemplifying resiliency like none I have seen. The Haitian people work hard at making food, retrieving water, taking care of their children, and trying to make ends meat in any way they can, which was beautiful and heart wrenching at the same time.

Our time was mostly spent in and around Pierre Payen, which suffered very minimal damage from the earthquake, but there were a couple days spent in Port-au-prince. This city has been hit hard, with some buildings pan caked and others with devastating structural damage but the most shocking element is the number of people displaced from their homes, forced to live in makeshift tents or tents supplied from a few groups, and tarp covered huts. These people were in need of food and water proof shelter. Our senses we heightened as we drove through this city. Our eyes were drawn to spaces filled with tents or tarp homes, collapsed buildings and beautiful children and people waving and continuing on in their normal day to day manner much different from our own. Our noses locked onto the smell of burning trash and plastic, food cooking on the side of the street, and different unidentifiable odors that I would just assume leave unidentified. Sounds floated through the air in a screaming manner, horns blasting (from an American view for no reason), kids laughing, playing, and trying to speak to us in Creole, and many people asking for food and handouts from the white people in the back of the truck. Your skin could feel the heat and humidity in the air, with dust sticking to the perspiration that covered your body. And our mouths were dry and our thirst was quenched by different flavored pops or water from a bag. There were few times that our senses were not on active duty, which is another element that made this experience life changing.

It didn’t take long for us to realize that life was different for the Haitian people compared to our own. Nor did it take long to see the resilience and happiness that they had even in the worst of circumstances. Every part of Haiti touched and tore at our hearts transforming our world view causing us to see life in America through new lenses. Now, as I anxiously wait to once again return to the beautiful people and beautiful country of Haiti I can only tell others about my experience and close my eyes and remember the faces gratitude and joy that grip my heart.